GOOD JOKE 029 Great Jokes

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Great Jokes

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Q: Why do all dogs head to Heaven?
A: as a result of Michael Vick is in Hell!!!!!!!!

Q; Why is Hilary Clinton affected with Michael Vick?
A: as a result of he went through additional dogs than Bill Clinton!

Q: Why did the Athiest League Of Atlanta revoke Michael Vick's membership for being dyslexic?
A: as a result of DOG is GOD spelled backwards?

Q: What does one get after you cross Michael Vick with a dress shoe?
A: Hush Puppies!

Q: UN agency would win during a fight between Michael Vick and a pitbull?
A: The pitbull thats why Michael Vick shoots them!

Q: Why is not Michael Vick allowed at trapshooting ranges?
A: as a result of he likes taking part in fetch!

Why did Michael Vick develop AN elaborate dogfighting ring?
A1: i used to be smoking pot and ......uhhhhhhhh...
A1: He was coaching the dogs to ... ummmmmmm ... get Osama
A2: The Steroids created him all crazy"
A3: The house came with a dogfighting pit

Q: that shoe company recently signed Michael Vick to AN endorsement deal?
A: Hush Puppies!

Q: UN agency LET THE DOGS OUT?
A: not Michael vick!

Q: What will Michael Vick decision "Leona Helmsley" $12 million small white Maltese?
A: AN appetiser

Q: What do Bob Barker and Michael Vick have in common?
A: They each do their half to regulate the pet population!

Q: Why did the University of Georgia rent Michael Vick as AN assistant coach?
A: as a result of they required facilitate coaching their Dawgs!

Q: what's Michael Vick's latest excuse?
A: The bitch set Pine Tree State up!

Q: Why is Joseph Louis Barrow Farrakhan thwarted in Michael Vick?
A: as a result of this is often another instance of black on black crime!

Q: Whats worse than being a dog during a animal shelter?
A: Being adopted by Michael Vick!
Miley Cyrus the Younger is emotional a replacement fragrance referred to as "Twerk", its simply Billy Ray's tears during a bottle

Q: Why did Miley Cyrus the Younger finish her engagement to Liam Hemsworth?
A: They could not twerk it out...

Miley was Hannah American state once Bush was president. Thanks, Obama.

Q: Why did Miley recently modification her name from "Destiny Hope Cyrus" to "Miley Ray Cyrus"??
A: Ray was easier for her to spell!

Q: once Billy Ray Cyrus the Younger was asked concerning his daughter's recent name modification what did he reply?
A: Miley... who?

Q: The day once Miley modified her name, Her Father Billy Ray Cyrus the Younger determined to vary his name during a Nasheville court house..to Billy mountain lion Melloncamp
A: once asked why the modification his answer: "I've got my very own career to assume about!"

Q: What has twenty two,000 arms, 22,000 legs and eleven,000 heads and a ratio of 12?
A: 11,000 fans at a Miley Cyrus the Younger Concert.

Q: Why did Miley Cyrus the Younger drink a bottle of tomato ketchup on the tonight show with Jay Leno?
A: She wished all of America to understand that every one white, southern, C and W fans were as stupid and rustic and inbread as we're already reported to be.

Q: Why did Dolly Parton state in recent individuals magzine "And i feel that Miley's gonna have an enormous career then show is off the air," Parton continues. "I understand i am partial, as a result of she's my goddaughter"
A: somebody had a gun pointed at her head!

Q: what is pink and a mile long?
A: Miley Cyrus' tongue.

Q: what is the distinction between AN Orion lady (from Star Trek) and Miley Cyrus?
A: Miley Cyrus the Younger is that the larger slut and appears less human.

Q: Why did Miley Cyrus the Younger bring Hicking Boots, Ropes, Crampons and a harness to Disneyland?
A: She detected they were increasing on area Mountain.

Q: What will Miley Cyrus the Younger assume the Capital of Hawaii is?
A: H!

What will Miley Cyrus the Younger eat throughout the holidays?
Twerkey!

Q: once Miley Cyrus the Younger end her memoirs?
A: once she learns the way to scan and write.

What did miley Cyrus the Younger advice billy ray cyrus?
Man daddy we've got such a lot of issues that we have a tendency to cant twerk them out.

Looks like it did not twerk out between Miley Cyrus the Younger and Liam hemsworth

So Miley Cyrus the Younger entered a rehab treatment facility last week however was told that she couldn't be admitted as a result of they didnt assume it'd "twerk" out

Your mama therefore fat, once she twerk, she became a wrecking ball.

Spa Shower
Miley Cyrus the Younger and her friends were showering along at a Spa.
A friend asked Miley "How return you dont have any hairs on your pussy"
Miley replied, "Have you ever seen grass grow on a busy road?"

Confessions
Miley Cyrus the Younger goes to her church once the VMAs to confess her sins to the priest. "Forgive Pine Tree State Father, for I even have sinned."
"Tell all of your sins, my female offspring."
"Oh, Father, last night I twerked a spouse on live TV," Miley says.
The priest is concerned this long and laborious and says, "Take seven lemons and squeeze the juice into a tall glass and drink it."
"Will this cleanse my soul of my sins?" Miley replies.
"No," the priest says, "But it will wipe that smile off your face!"

Q: Why cannot Mitt Romney screw during a lightweight bulb?
A: as a result of he cannot decide that thanks to flip.

Mitt Romney's last concession speech was, "Okay, therefore we cannot lay off everybody."

Q: however did Mitt Romney create many countless dollars?
A: By turning $21 AN hour jobs into $9 AN hour jobs.

Q: What did Mitt Romney learn at Bain Capital?
A: the way to destroy worker's lives, steal pensions, pioneer outsourcing, and master tax dodging!

Q: however will Mitt Romney conceive to fix social security?
A: By taking the word SECURITY out of it.

Q: What book will Mitt Romney wish to scan to our children?
A: One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, I Hate forty seventh of You-fish

According to Paul Ryan, we will not afford health care, however we will afford to lower Mitt Romney's rate (13.9%)

Barack Obama killed Osama terrorist. Mitt Romney goes to kill huge Bird. Enough same.

Q: however will Mormon presidential candidate Mitt Romney expect to win the association football female parent vote?
A: By marrying all of them!

Q: What will a sixty five year previous tell his plastic surgeon?
A: I wanna appear as if Mitt Romney

Q: Why should not Mitt Romney claim China is taking our jobs?
A: He created a career of gift-wrapping jobs for them.

Q: however does one understand if your a homosexual?
A: Mitt Romney will not seek advice from you anymore!

Q: wherever will Mitt Romney conceive to produce Jobs?
A: "In Singapore, China and Republic of India."

Dear girls voters,
Barack Obama lives during a house filled with girls.
Mitt Romney has binders filled with girls.

Q: Why is it a decent factor that Mitt Romney does not drink beer?
A: as a result of nobody would wish to own one with him.

Q: What do Birthers and Mitt Romney have in common?
A: They very don't think their views. they are simply racists.

Q: What does one decision a pumpkin etched to appear like Mitt Romney?
A: Jerk-O-Lantern

Q: what is the solely quite looking Mitt Romney takes half in?
A: attempting to find easter eggs!

Q: What will it mean once a hooker offers you the Mitt Romney special?
A: For an additional $20 she'll modification positions.

Q: Why will Mitt Romney pay such an occasional tax rate?
A: He claims forty seventh of american citizens as dependents.

Q: Why is Mitt Romney therefore optimistic concerning the longer term of our economy?
A: as a result of he is the sole presidential candidate with over two hundred million greenbacks within the bank!

Q: Why did Mitt Romney choose Paul Ryan to be his Vice Presidential candidate?
A: Mitt likes his mates handsome.

Q: Why is Mitt Romney perpetually seen with Ann Romney?
A: as a result of all his different wives support Obama.

Q: What do Mitt Romney and Saint George W. Bush have in common?
A: Their economic plans.

Q: what is the main distinction between Romneycare and Obamacare?
A: The name.

Q: what's the Beach Boys song "Kokomo" about?
A: All the places Mitt Romney has bank accounts.

Q: what is additional of a panoramic sight then seeing Mormom Mitt Romney being inaugurated as president of the United States?
A: Seeing his eighteen initial wives beside of him!

Q: Why did Mitt Romney get tit rings?
A: He detected that Saint George W Bush had a Dick Cheney.

Q: What will Mitt Romney decision three hundred million underpaid employees with no job security?
A: a decent start!

Q: however are you able to total up Mitt Romney's foreign policy?
A: Outsourcing to China, stashing cash within the Caymans, and dodging Vietnam.

Q: Why will Ann Romney perpetually get on top?
A: ...Because Mitt Romney will solely bollix.

Q: What does one get after you cross Saint George W. Bush and partner Warren Jeffs?
A: Mitt Romney with binders filled with women!

Q: however will Mitt Romney conceive to save Social Security?
A: By swing all the money during a Swiss checking account.

Q: What did Mitt Romney do once Ryan Secrest same sixty two million individuals voted within the yank Idol finale?
A: He went out and purchased a singing machine

Q: however will Paul Ryan conceive to as if by magic cut government spending?
A: together with his razor-sharp peak.

Q: What will the greek word "polygamy" stand for?
A: "Poly" which means for multiple and "gamy" which means reasons to not vote for Mitt Romney!

Q: Why is Mitt Romney in bother for having smuggled immigrants mowing his lawn?
A: as a result of Walmart is accusative him of stealing their employees!

Q: Why will not Mitt Romney become president of the United States?
A: once you go Barack, you ne'er go back!

Q: What happened once Mitt Romney gave a speech on health care?
A: He issued a five-minute rebuttal!

Q: however will Mitt Romney connect with the Latino community in 2012?
A: By having himself deported!

Q: Why would democrats love a Mitt Romney-Sarah Palin presidental ticket?
A: She cannot answer basic queries, and he has 2 answers for each question!

Q: what's going to Mitt Romney's United States Secret Service codename be if he becomes president?
A: Mega Millions

Q: Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog, Seamus, to the roof of his car?
A: as a result of his station waggon was filled with wives!"

Q: What will Mitt Romney say once he farts?
A: Obama did it

Q: Why does not Mitt Romney have any knuckle tattoos?
A: as a result of there is too several letters in "Screw Poor individuals."

Q: however does one understand Mitt Romney is lying?
A: His lips area unit moving!

Q: What cannot two hundred Millions greenbacks obtain for Mitt Romney?
A: Twitter followers!

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost advice Mitt Romney?
A: "Don't be unhappy, Obama's policy killed Pine Tree State too"

Q: what's Mitt Romney's favorite whole of binder?
A: Trap-Her keep-Her!

Q: Why is Romney additional fashionable in China than in America?
A: He created jobs over there.

Q: Why does not Ann Romney wish to be the primary lady?
A: as a result of she would have to be compelled to go in a smaller house.

Q: that a pair of food teams frame Mitt Romney's diet?
A: Meat and Democrats!

Q: Why do London Olympic organizers confuse Mitt Romney?
A: They unbroken bearing on him as a banker, however with a W.

Q: What will Ann Romney wear to urge her husband within the mood?
A: A dismission.

Q: what's going to Mitt Romney be doing once the election?
A: Lying round the house

Q: however does one run alittle business that outsources to China?
A: initiate as an oversized business and raise Mitt Romney to manage it.

Q: however will Mitt Romney conceive to win presidential debates?
A: visual communication

Q: What will Mitt Romney mean once he says that he and Paul Ryan area unit America's comeback team.'?
A: they are able to come in four years and take a look at once more.

Q: Why do workers decision Mitt Romney a seagull?
A: He flies in, makes lots of noise, shits everywhere everything, and leaves!

Q: what is the distinction between Mitt Romney & a Cockroach?
A: The roach will not begin WWIII however it positive can survive it.

Q: What will Mitt Romney conceive to do throughout his initial day in office?
A: Deny Health Care to fifty Million Americans.

Q: What did Mitt Romney tell Pope Benedict?
A: "I assume you'd maximize your profits by outsourcing your prayers to Republic of India."

Q: Why ought to teenagers hide their iPods if Mitt Romney becomes president?
A: "Mitt Romney has already set off everybody at the C+C Music plant."

Q: Why may be a speculator sort of a sperm?
A: One in each 3 million have the potential to become a personality's being.

Q: What includes a higher probability than Mitt Romney winning the Presidency?
A: Mitt Romney's hair occupation a tornado!

Q: What will Mitt Romney and "a fish out of water" have in common?
A: They each wish to flip-flop.

Q: Why did Mitt Romney become a Mormon?
A: He detected there was a replacement profit (Prophet) in it.

Q: Why did party Chairman Michael writer apologize for his comments on Mormon's and Mitt Romney?
A: as a result of anyone able to have as several white wives as doable is off-da-hook!

Q: consistent with Mitt Romney why are not wind generation jobs real jobs?
A: as a result of you cannot source them to China.

Q: Why is it alright that life long hunter Mitt Romney has solely afraid tiny animals?
A: as a result of Dick Cheney is that the solely Republican to hunt lawyers!

Q: Why should not you blame Mitt Romney for growing up with a old money in his mouth?
A: as a result of he learned to talk with a forked tongue all by himself.

Q: what is ironic concerning Mitt Romney refusing to unharness his tax returns?
A: he is ne'er command the other position for quite this long.

Q: Why is not Mitt Romney drive in Massachusetts?
A: as a result of they understand him there.

Q: Why will Mitt Romney believe that, "welfare is damaging for poor Americans"?
A: as a result of it's solely essential for international oil firms.

It's unfair that individuals say Mitt Romney has no soul.
He has one, it's simply in AN offshore account.

Robin Hood took from the wealthy and gave to the poor.
Mitt Romney takes from the center category and sticks it to the poor.

If I had a greenback for each lie Mitt Romney tells the yank individuals, i'd be in his income bracket

Today, Mitt Romney same he can begin his rummage around for a campaigner "pretty presently." Well we all know it will not be Rick Santorum. No manner that guy can ever decision another man a "mate."

Until Mitt Romney will gift a certificate confirming that "Mitt" is not short for "Mittens", he cannot endure president.

I had a dream last night, I voted for Mitt Romney. after I visited place the ballot within the machine it blew up.

Hey Mitt Romney: today's herbaceous plant Street is delivered to you by the letters L I A & R.

First Mitt Romney outsourced our jobs to China, currently he desires to send huge Bird to a Chinese KFC.

Barack Obama virtually came from nothing, creating him the ambition. Mitt Romney has perpetually had everything bimanual to him on a silver platter.
Now, you tell Pine Tree State UN agency would be a stronger president?

Does Mitt Romney understand that if he wins the election, he cannot structure America and sell it for a profit?

Dear Mitt Romney: what percentage social class individuals worry concerning taxes on dividends and capital gains?

Whenever Mitt Romney speaks, the gang is extremely numerous. There area unit White people in their 50s, 60s AND 70s.

Hey Mitt Romney, however does one organize your binders of women? I do mine by cup size.

Mitt Romney was born with a old money in his mouth. however it had to be removed quickly to form space for his foot...

If Mitt Romney wins the election, I volunteer as tribute for the Hunger Games

Dear mister Romney, plane windows do not open as a result of "everybody would die"

Mitt Romney claimed these days that he's a womb-to-tomb hunter even if he has ne'er taken out a hunting licence.
In connected news Saint George W Bush claimed he was a fanatical reader!

Some fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time..."
Mitt Romneys begins with "If nonappointive, I promise..."

Mitt Romney says he's pro-life....but created millions finance in abortions through Stericycle.

That awkward moment once Mitt Romney's locution, "Keep America American" was constant locution utilized by the Ku Klux Klan in 1922.

Mitt Romney does not wish America to borrow cash from China, he simply desires to send our jobs there.

80% of the CNN focus cluster same that President Obama won the controversy however they'd rather have Mitt Romney's pension.

Bain Capital tutored Mitt Romney {how to|the manner to|a way to} produce jobs constant way marijuana teaches you to be AN traveler.

Mitt Romney is correct. Government does not produce jobs. aside from lecturers, soldiers, firemen, policemen, park rangers

There's AN eighty four probability Mitt Romney thinks mountaineer Clinton is AN actual secretary.

If you repeat "Mitt Romney" 3 times within the mirror at nighttime he can seem and steal your social insurance, Medicare, and civil rights

Hey Mitt Romney, if you invest enough in Planned adulthood will not herbaceous plant Street simply eliminate itself?

Dear Mitt Romney, i assumed i used to be the sole one with binders filled with girls. Sincerely, Warren Jeffs

Mitt Romney has suggested that everybody in cyclone Sandy's path ought to create their thanks to their second or third homes in real time.

So, if Mitt Romney finds a lady in one in every of his 'binders filled with women' that he likes, will he have to be compelled to place 3 rings on her?

If you say "Mitt Romney" into the mirror 3 times, he can seem and source your job to China.

Earn millions of cash, avoid paying taxes and ship jobs overseas and sooner or later you may be the Republican political leader for president.

Bain Capital phone call
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Lookfer!
Lookfer who?
Lookfer another job, loser. Yours is goin' to China!

Late Night Jokes

A new poll found that solely forty seven p.c of voters realize Mitt Romney to be trustworthy. Then Romney was like, "Well, I hope it is not constant forty seven p.c i do not care concerning."
Jimmy Fallon (October eleven, 2012)

"Mitt Romney says he is ne'er paid but thirteen in taxes, that i feel is truthful as a result of solely thirteen of his cash is during this country."
Jay Leno (September thirteen, 2012)

Actually, Mitt Romney and cyclone Isaac have one thing in common. they'll each modification directions at any moment.
Jay Leno (August twenty three, 2012)

Mitt Romney has asked Todd like step down. that is regrettable. Todd Akin was the guy to guide the Republican Party into the sixteenth century.
David athlete (August twenty one, 2012)

Mitt Romney's rummage around for a vp continues As you recognize, one in every of Mitt Romney's issues is that he is ne'er employed AN yank for employment before, therefore this is often new. Jay Leno (July twenty six, 2012)

"Mitt Romney believes that wedding ought to be between one man and one lady. that is healthier than his grandpa, UN agency believed that it ought to be between one man and 5 girls."
Jimmy Kimmel (July twenty five, 2012)

Mitt Romney told the gang at AN NAACP conference that if he were nonappointive president he would fight for all millionaires, black or white.
Jay Leno (July eleven, 2012)

Mitt Romney gave a speech at the annual NAACP conference in Houston. Why, i do not understand. perhaps he confused NAACP with NASCAR.
Jimmy Kimmel (July eleven, 2012)

An awkward moment for Mitt Romney these days in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a greenback, however all he had was Swiss Francs.
Jay Leno (July ten, 2012)

Mitt Romney is currently promising conservatives that if he's nonappointive, he can place Anderson Cooper back within the closet.
David athlete (July nine, 2012)

Mitt Romney's campaign raised $35 million over President Obama for the month of Gregorian calendar month. Out of force of habit, Mitt stashed it dead the island.
Jay Leno (July nine, 2012)

"So Mitt, if you're serious concerning winning, you have got to assume outside the box. what about, hear Pine Tree State out, Romney-Zimmerman 2012? It's unorthodox, however UN agency higher than Saint George Zimmerman to personify your campaign theme of, 'I assume the black guy's up to no smart.'
Bill Maher (June twenty nine, 2012)

In a landmark call, the Supreme Court dominated President Obama's aid mandate is constitutional. this is often a significant finish for President Obama, UN agency spent 3 years promoting it, and a significant happening for Mitt Romney, UN agency spent 3 years making it.
Jay Leno (June twenty eight, 2012)

"Today Mitt Romney visited a station here in the big apple town. Of course, he was thwarted once he learned that the station isn't wherever you get to fireplace individuals."
Jimmy Fallon (June twenty five, 2012)

"Hookers in city district, God bless 'em, area unit giving a Mitt Romney Special. For an additional $20 they're going to modification positions."
David athlete (June twenty five, 2012)

A new survey found that Mitt Romney is prior Obama among those that create $36,000 to $90,000. Or, as Romney place it, "And they same i can not connect with the poor."
Jimmy Fallon (June five, 2012)

Mitt Romney simply free a replacement campaign ad concerning the economy, that includes out-of-work Americans. It gets weird at the tip, once he says, "I'm Mitt Romney, and that i laid-off of these individuals."
Jimmy Fallon (June eleven, 2012)

Mitt Romney same Obama is ignoring the important problems with illegals, that is that they keep processing the grass clippings into his pool.
Bill Maher (June fifteen, 2012)

Shares of Facebook stock born from the gap day value of $38 to around $34 these days. they assert if it drops any lower, Mitt Romney can swoop in and divide it up into "Face" and "Book".
Jimmy Kimmel Live (May twenty one, 2012)

President Obama and Mitt Romney each gave commencement speeches over the previous couple of days. Obama was like, "You may be no matter you would like to be," whereas Romney was like, "I may be no matter you would like Pine Tree State to be."
Jimmy Fallon (May fourteen, 2012)

This week, the president unveiled  his new campaign locution, "Forward." ... Mitt Romney unveiled  his locution, "My cash can be offshore, however my heart's right here in America."
Jay Leno (May four, 2012)

After winning 5 primaries yesterday, Mitt Romney has his new campaign slogan: "Well, i assume you are curst Pine Tree State."
Jay Leno (April twenty five, 2012)